You Fucking Die

Hearing a guy say, “honey, can I get this?” in a dollar store was just about the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

- “what? The guitar player from Styx has AIDS?”

- “yeah”

- “is he a bone smoker?”

- “yuuup”

- “I only seen Freddy Mercury play the piano”

- “well he definitely plays something else…”

- “skin flute…”

- “bone-o-phone”

- “bonergram”

- “Ted’s going to be slammin Obama tonight”

- “he’s gonna get all the gay votes now, lower the gas price and get the votes then fuck us, then china will come take us over, they spent 4 million dollars on their Hawaii trip and flew the dogs separately in air force 2 because they’re Muslims and they can’t travel with their pets. 2 trillion dollars. Spent 125,000 dollars a year on dog sitters, makes me sick, man”

The most “dad” shit I’ve ever done, bought a Billy Joel greatest hits CD from Office Depot.

“oh you’re in a band? It’s not one of those weirdo things is it… You know, with tattoos and punk and stuff”

Lady, you have no idea how big of weirdos we are.